"An older variation of me/ Is she perverted favor me/ would certainly she go down onyou in a theater/ does she speak eloquently/ and also would she have yourbaby/ I'm sure she'd make a really wonderful mother." —Alanis Morissette, "You Oughta Know," a monitor from Jagged tiny Pill, one album around Dave Coulier

Another day, one more dawn, another week the stories about Corinne from The Bachelor.

You are watching: Bachelor season 21 episode 5

have we every watched she appearance in a 2 Chainz video? taken into consideration the methods in which she is actually utilizing naps to signal she humanity? What around this benefit Cosmetics ad that stars beanie from Jersey Shore? Investigated even if it is or no her "multi-million-dollar company" sells glue to the U.S. Military? walk you capture up on what occurred when 2 women make the efforts to make cheese pasta? Well, did you?

The truth is, Corinne Olympios, millennial and model from Florida, is gaslighting Nick Viall and the remainder of America v her continuous stream of obfuscations and also outright lies. By refusing to adhere to a collection of continuous principles or allude of view, Corinne has actually deliberately and maliciously, with rumor, innuendo, fake news, and bikinis, masked her intentions on this show, creating an setting in which any accusation has equal opportunity of gift true, and also any provocation might be met v a sneer, one eye roll, an outburst, or a nap. She has actually diverted the entire group's fist away native Nick Viall and also onto it s her to such an extent that the is impossible to host a same and cost-free selection in any rose ceremony with her in it. Because that our safety and security, Bachelor Nation, ns am calling because that a full and also immediate ban on Corinne Olympios.

But enough editorializing through (the) me(dia), let's recap this nonsense.

It is Corinne versus Taylor, arguing about what maturity is and also who has actually more. Spoiler: no of them have actually any.

"It's prefer you think you're an idiot, and then you establish she's af-cking idiot." —Corinne around Taylor, who is supposedly gaslightingCorinne!

I would pay a million dollars come anyone who can tell me what this fight is actually about. Corinne takes Nick aside to describe Taylor's cold attitude, while Taylor explains her side to Astrid and also Danielle M. It is honestly pretty boring.

Oh mine God, josh Gad and also Luke Evans space doing a collection of tie-in ads to promote Beauty and also the Beast. Beautiful.

Everyone's freezing your skinny butts off at this increased ceremony. Either you have the right to see Corinne's breath or v her anger she is accurate blowing smoke HAHAHAHAHAHA.

"She literally think she's entitled to whatever she thinks she'sentitled to." —Corinne around Taylor and every one of us

Rachel looks perfect in a sparkly silver beaded dress, and her absence of coat indicates that she is in it to goddamn success it. Nick once again demonstrates his chill/cool/woke-ness by giving all the coolest girl (Jaimi, Alexis, Jasmine) roses, and his tv savvy by providing the many dramatic girls roses (Corinne, Taylor, Josephine) and the many wife-able girl roses (Vanessa, danielle M). Sarah and Astrid go home. They will be fine. The various other girls cry until Nick tells them they room going to new Orleans!


The large Easy, i beg your pardon was also Nick"s nickname in high school

Mark Coffey

IN NOLA: crow is totally looking front to every little thing drama walk down. The girls jump up and also down on the beds until Chris Harrison tells them they are having, in enhancement to the usual group and also one-on-one dates, the season's very first two-on-one date. Apparently someone indigenous the two-on-one constantly goes home, therefore it's kind of choose sudden fatality dating, i m sorry is just how one should approach all dates, honestly.

Rachel it s okay the one-on-one, and also when she's excited around it the various other girls space like, "You like him! You choose Nick!" Don't all of you favor Nick? If not, probably go home and also do miscellaneous else with your life?


For the day Rachel swaps her black color halter-top leotard for a white one, and laughs dutifully when Nick buys her snacks and also tchotchkes. Nick seems really into Rachel. Honestly, Rachel can probably perform better, however hell, if she wants to eat beignets v a expert reality display participant, much more power to her.

They run right into a parade Rachel automatically recognizes as a "second line," and they dance v lace parasols (Nick deserve to dance!), and it is very cute. The various other girls literally watch them native the hotel window. Suckaz. And then lock pop into a tiny jazz club and dance, and also it is again, highly cute. Let's wrap the up, people! end of season! Nick and Rachel!


Kissin" in NOLA

Mark Coffey

Rachel and also Nick finish their date at a creepy-ass old storage warehouse for Mardi Gras floats. It's dark, and also all the floats come alive and also watch lock eat and talk, ns bet. Nick hears Rachel say the world funeral and also immediately switches into "Nick is listening" mode. He asks about her family, and also Rachel's dad is a federal judge in Dallas. I would really much choose to listen his thoughts on her being on The Bachelor. Nick tries to open up up about his ahead Bachelorette experiences, and Rachel—bless her heart—seems genuinely interested. Castle really favor each other! which is cute however foils my expect of Rachel being the next Bachelorette.

The group day takes place at a haunted house, and also the show is absolutely trying come play up the American fear Story: Coven vibes, however I'm quite sure…this is a haunted plantation? and that's…really f-cked up.

A caretaker called Boo (lawd) tells a story around the ghost the a small girl who is searching for her doll and then says, "Don't look at under this sheet," and also "Don't look in this mirror," and also "Don't touch this doll," however Jasmine moves a hat, so ns bet they're all gonna get murdered.


The girls room low-key losing the in the parlor playing Ouija (TM), but Josephine and also Jasmine decide to tempt the fates and also touch some statues. A chandelier falls, like every movie with a chandelier in the (Frozen, Phantom the the Opera, Disney's The Haunted Mansion). OK, wait a minute: abc is owned by Disney. Is this every a tie-in for the Haunted Mansion? either the journey or the (very bad) Eddie Murphy movie? In any type of case, by far the creepiest thing happening in NOLA is Taylor, a Westworld host, recharging she batteries by meditating in front of a mirror, surrounded by little candles, and also smelling herbs.

Alexis, who has actually her priorities straight, holds her lantern high and also her wine glass even higher. Daniel L, she of no chemistry v Nick, professes her love to Nick on a bench in the yard. Castle kiss and also give. Me. A. Break. This two perform not prefer each other. Enough LIES, danielle "Sean Spicer" L.

Look, if any of us were in a dark, cold, creepy old house and also something moved out the the blue, we would certainly scream. But it is amazing to note that none of these claimed spooky incidents or crashes befall the camera crew.

Again, THIS IS A PLANTATION. If it's haunted, it's no haunted by a little girl. It's haunted by murdered slaves and also America's best national shame, because that which the government has never made reparations, ns am just saying.

Back at the hotel Rachel tries to broker some kind of peace before the two-on-one, because Rachel to know neither of this women deserve to hold a creepy, flickering candle to her. Taylor actually has a pretty great attitude around the situation: If Corinne is the sort of girl Nick wants, climate Nick isn't the type of man Taylor wants.

Oh, and also the increased is under a glass bell jar as such Beauty and also the Beast tie-in. It goes to daniel M. Fair!

Down top top the Bayou, regrettably nobody gets consumed by one alligator or bitten through a snake. But they execute make their way to a voodoo ceremony, whereby a priestess introduce them to a reader who is going come reveal…some truths…with tarot cards! because you put power into the cards and also then they carry clarity and also light to a situation. Convenient!

Taylor and also Corinne linked have also much energy for the leader to see with (sounds around right), so Corinne and Nick sit and talk through the flow while the reader tells Taylor no to communicate with Corinne, but, like, she claims it in a tarot code. Don't feel bad if girlfriend didn't obtain it ideal away; it was super subtle.

I dislike to write anything that can be understood as endorsing one unemotional toxic masculinity, however Nick asks about feelings too much.

Nick is literally playing referee between Taylor and Corinne, that are apparently "bullying" every other. Since they space in 4th grade and Nick is your homeroom teacher.

See more: Watch Online Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them Online On Moviesjoy

Corinne straight-up asks the reader just how to make a voodoo doll that Taylor, and also the reader gives her one. HAHAHAHAHA YES, CORINNE, occupational THAT DARK MAGIC, MAMA.

Parting thoughts: as soon as I to be a kid, I had a to like on Lumière because he was (a) French and (b) Jerry Orbach and also (c) literally so hot and (d) not a candelabra however a man who has been turned right into a candelabra—leave me alone. Tale as old as time!