There’s this girl i like. She’s gained a boyfriend and also he sucks, and also she likes me a lot. However she additionally thinks I’m a player. Choose an idiot, I might have simply proved her right, because I obtained quite drunk in ~ a party us were both at, and hooked increase with an additional girl at the party. She then got mad at me because that hooking up with someone else, even though we’re no dating.

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I’m a little confused. What execute I do?



Dude, say thanks to you so lot for the question. I turned it right into a blog post, because I recognize a lot of geeks finish up in a comparable situation. The discussion we have might end up help many of castle out.

She has a boyfriend

Let’s begin with the basics: this girl has a boyfriend.

In situation you let go it, she’s no dating you: she’s dating someone else.

As a floor rule, if a mrs is seeing someone else, friend don’t owe she anything. Any type of judgment she casts on you doesn’t matter, due to the fact that you’re not her boyfriend.

She doesn’t can stake her insurance claim on you, or prevent you from hooking up v anyone else.

As is, you understand what you room to her? Her backup plan.


Sure, things may not be going well v her boyfriend, yet what room you claimed to do? Sit around holding her balls hope she’ll dump him for you? Please, you’re worth much more than that.

I understand you’ve been reading my blog because that a while. This method you’re interested in self-improvement, i m sorry is a large deal in this modern world of watching TV and doing nothing ~ work. You’re working tough on yourself, and becoming a far better man. You’ve acquired a lot come offer.

Plus you’re a geek, and that makes you rad.

The only thing is, you’re probably falling right into the nice guy trap, where you cringe as soon as a woman gives you the stinkeye or says something mean to you, even as soon as she’s wrong.

Who’s the real negative guy?

The trouble with this form of girl is that she’s no an overtly bad person. She hasn’t cheated on her boyfriend through Winfred. No an enig kisses, or behind the ago love affairs walking on.

Thus it’s straightforward to think she’s a an excellent girl in a crappy relationship, and her friend is a negative person. That’s why Winfred said, and I quote, “she’s got a boyfriend and he sucks.”

But girlfriend don’t understand that because that sure, carry out you? If he suck so much, why hasn’t she left the yet? Curiouser and curiouser.

It doesn’t matter what she speak Winfred, exactly how much she loves spending time with him, and how an excellent hanging out v him is. These space all merely words.

Her actions disclose the sad truth around her. She wants the affection Winfred is offering, without providing him any commitment. She’s also cheating emotionally ~ above the guy she’s dating.

This is a perfect case of who trying to have she cake and also eat that too. She’s gained her friend for sex and dinners and whatever. She’s got Winfred when her boyfriend doesn’t treat her well.

You recognize what Winfred has?



He gets empty promises. He can’t host her, kiss her, have actually sex through her, or gain emotional support from her.

All he it s okay from she is the jealous therapy if he goes for one more girl. So, in fact, i was wrong. He does have something: a jealous woman who doesn’t desire him to hook up with other people, but doesn’t desire to commit come him either.

Isn’t that wonderful?

What you need to do

Alright Winfred, back to you mine friend. Friend asked me what you need to do, and also I will provide you an answer.

You require to cut her the end of her life, because that a couple of reasons.

First off, if you’re hanging out, and also you choose her, you’re no going come be conference anyone else. That’s a problem, because you’ll it is in pining after someone you can’t have, and might miss out on out on an additional wonderful girl that’s right into you (and doesn’t have a boyfriend, which instantly makes her much better than this one).

Second, if she hasn’t had actually the balls to leaving her guy for girlfriend yet, the ain’t gonna happen. And also if she does, and you finish up dating, will certainly you trust her understanding that she left she previous boyfriend for you? Or will you constantly be concerned that as soon as things get rocky, she might leave you for the following Mr Nice male with a shoulder come cry on?

So, end it.

Look she in the eyes, and say this:

‘I’m no your boyfriend. You already have a boyfriend. I’m not waiting roughly for friend to decide that perhaps you’re walking to rest up through him for me. I’m worth an ext than that, and I deserve better than to be your back-up plan. If you were single, and over him, we would certainly be talking around getting together. Yet I will certainly not be your “just in case”.’

Then move on with your life. And also for the love of baby Mario, prevent falling for girls that have boyfriends.

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There’s a girl in ~ my occupational who I’ve been talk to because that a month now everything seemed fine, you recognize messing through each other flirting and all that. She would certainly visit me at work-related she to buy me a milk shake, i asked her if she had actually a friend she responded with “what boyfriend?”I inquiry her out to the movies us planned it now all the sudden she talk to someone and their relationship is complex and she desires to hangout but only as friends? What!?!?! ~ all that opening up to her she’s gonna call sorry because that misleading you. K I’m fucking done someone please offer me a respond ns really a damn answer



This is possibly the worst experience any kind of guy have the right to go through. As soon as I remained in highschool, ns was a quite shy kid. Ns met this one girl and we immediately became friends. We hung the end everyday, we goofed off and got nice “touchy-touchy.” we planned top top going come the movies and she want to come end my house. *wink wink* One morning, ns believe around 3 am, she sent me a text. “I favor you…” I remained in shock and I didn’t think it. In ~ this suggest I knew she for a year and also a half, and also I chosen her too. We talked about it for a bit, yet one part really stuck out. She always complained around her boyfriend; he never ever let her walk places, the yelled at her if she also went to sleep over she FEMALE friends’ houses. Yet she said me the morning the she accurate can’t gain out of her relationship, and also she didn’t want to relocate on from however she didn’t recognize what come do. We tried come forget around the fact that we literally couldn’t do anything because that a couple of days. Us goofed turn off more, she would certainly tickle me and hug me, I’d take her phone and also mess through her. She might have kissed me, she request me to Homecoming. Yet one night I had actually to gain my feelings out, and also I went v such a rollercoaster that emotions. Someday I to be so happy since she do me feel great, the next I to be depressed since I knew that was all for nothing. Ns cared about her so much, so when she told me she was crying because I claimed we need to end our friendship, ns hated myself. I hated myself because that falling in love, ns hated myself because that breaking she heart, i hated myself for breaking my very own heart. She was upset, i was upset. The next morning at school, us kissed. The was our critical kiss. That day at school, we hugged. The was our last hug. Indigenous that allude on, I’ve never remained in a relationship. I have actually this fear of love now, and man I miss that girl. It was like a movie, and then the wasn’t.