Nurses space a distinctive bunch that overworked but really fulfilled professionals. Some days we’re totally down, yet there are likewise those days when we can’t help but laugh in ~ our very own miseries. After ~ all, patient won’t know what we’re really going through.

You are watching: You know you re a nurse when

Are you in search of something come calm her nerves? You’ve come to the place! We’ve searched far and large for the funniest reasons that will confirm you’re a nurse. Read all these telltale indicators that you’re a nurse, and don’t forget to spread out it or share your favorite “you recognize you’re a nurse when…” joke on the comment ar below.

You recognize you’re a nurse when….

1. You can drink a pot of coffee then go home and also go to bed.


2. You recognize the menu, phone call numbers and also delivery hours of every restaurant in town.


3. Friend view stress and anxiety as a normal part of life.

4. You get a contact giving friend the surname of your new admit and also you have their Care plan done prior to they even hit the floor.

5. You think a an excellent tape task will solve everything.

6. You think everyone needs a an excellent shot the vitamin H as soon as in awhile.


7. You believe the inventor of speak to bells has actually earned a special place in Hell.


8. You recognize it’s a complete moon without looking in ~ the sky.

9. You think PITA is an acceptable admitting diagnosis.

10. You think the number one rule of parenting is “Don’t Get any On Ya.”

11. You recognize the odor of different diarrhea to identify it.


12. Pointing out bodily fluids over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.


13. You inspect the caller i would on your day off to view if anyone indigenous the hospital is trying come call and also ask you come work.


14. Every time someone asks you for a pen friend can discover at the very least 4 of castle on you.


15. Her bladder can increase to the dimension of a Winnebago’s water tank.

16. Her finger has gone areas you never ever thought possible.


17. Friend think caffeine must be obtainable in IV form.


18. You discover yourself checking out other customer’s veins in grocery wait lines.


19. You’ve provided the indigenous ‘rationale’, the expression ‘as evidenced by’, or quoted a nursing diagnosis in everyday life.

20. Friend look in ~ everyone’s veins rather of their confront when talking to them.


21. You try to use an IV hanger come hang her plants.


22. Friend look at also your own bowel activity to make certain it’s okay.


23. You like only essential television shows around nursing.


24. You watch America’s Funniest residence Videos and you deserve to only view the human being as injured patients and also cannot laugh.


25. You think her uniforms are an ext important than other apparel in her closet.


26. Friend talk about what food looks favor in respect to organs in the body.

27. Friend disinfect the kitchen counter with Clorox.


28. Girlfriend tuck her sheet corners like they carry out in the hospital.


29. You hear to everyone ailments.

30. Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfect natural.


31. Your speak of wounds and drainage in a restaurant makes the civilization at the next table run for the door.


32. You replace words with clinical abbreviations throughout conversations through family and friends.

33. Your 8-year-old tells all her friends about periods and also puberty on the playground.


34. You know the full moon through the habits of the people about you.


35. Your father in-law feels cost-free to describe bodily features to you, including texture and also color.


36. You walk to occupational with a heat of 103.

37. Friend self-diagnose.

38. Your kids think it’s regular to talk around BMs and other bodily attributes in public.

39. Did you do it told a puzzled patient her name was that of her coworker and also to HOLLER if they need help.

40. You’ve basted your Thanksgiving turkey with a Toomey syringe.


41. Friend live by the motto, “To be appropriate is only half the battle, to convince the doctor is more difficult.”

42. Friend don’t gain excited about blood lose … uneven it’s her own.


43. You deserve to intubate her friends at parties.

44. You an alert that you use much more four letter words currently than before you became a nurse.

45. You refuse to watch ER because it’s too much like the genuine thing and triggers “flash backs.”

46. You can tell the pharmacist more about the drugs he is dispensing than he can.


47. Every time girlfriend walk, you do a rattling noise because of all the scissors and also clamps in her pockets.


48. You have the right to only phone call time v a 24 hour clock.

49. Your feeling of humor seems to get an ext “warped” each year.

50. You think every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazepam and also Compazine.

51. You’ve had actually to leaving a patient’s room prior to you start to laugh uncontrollably.

52. Girlfriend have ever had a patient look you directly in the eye and also say “I have no idea exactly how that gained stuck in there.”

53. Girlfriend have ever before wanted to compose a book entitled “Suicide: obtaining it best the very first time.”

54. You think that unspeakable evils will certainly befall anyone that utters the expression “Wow, it’s yes, really quiet, no it?”

55. You believe that the government should require permits come reproduce.

56. You think that ‘shallow gene pool’ have to be a well-known diagnosis.

57. You think in the aerial spraying of Prozac.


58. Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at change change.

59. Her idea of fine dining is almost everywhere you deserve to sit down to eat.

60. Pointing out dismemberment end a gourmet meal is perfectly typical to you.

61. Did you do it sworn to have actually “do no resuscitate” tattooed on your chest. Soon.

62. Friend don’t obtain excited about blood, unless it’s her own.

63. Your family and also friends refuse to watch clinical sitcoms with you since you invest the whole time correcting everyone and also pointing out upside under x-rays.

64. You have seen more penises than any prostitute can dream of.

65. You think that no all patients are annoying… some are unconscious.

66. You’ve ever before placed a bet on someone’s blood alcohol level.

67. You’ve ever heard a patient v a sleep ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say “I’m afraid of shots.”

68. You’ve been exposed come so countless x-rays that you take into consideration it a type of birth control.

69. You consider a tongue depressor an eat utensil.


70. You think that any type of job whereby you deserve to drive to occupational in her pajamas is a cool one.

71. You think that speak ‘it can not get any kind of worse’ causes it to gain worse simply to display you that can.

72. You sometimes park in the an are with the “physicians only” sign… and knock it over.

73. The former of your scrubs reads ‘Nurses… below to conserve your ass, not kiss it!’


74. You’ve ever told a patient to ‘move toward the light.’

75. You start every conversation with, “So now at job-related there to be this really gross thing.”

76. You believe that every the patient demands is some vitamin A (ativan).

77. You’ve ever run the end of linens, syringes, IV fluid, meds, and also patience every at the exact same time.

78. You ever felt favor a Gastroenterologist… since you work-related with a##holes.

79. It IS as bad as friend think, and the patients space out to acquire you.

80. You ever told a patient he didn’t have to be dead to donate an organ.

81. You feeling that planet is the insane asylum for the universe.

82. You think some patients are alive only because it’s illegal to death them.

83. You can’t imagine put on heels ~ a work on your feet.

84. Girlfriend get more done by discovering someone in housekeeping 보다 in administration.

85. You lastly learn that doctors are no all that!

86. You’ve informed your coworkers who can/cannot work on you if girlfriend collapse.

87. You can’t role until her caffeine entry is at a therapeutic level.

88. It’s the finish of your change and you establish you haven’t as soon as gone to the bathroom.

89. Family and also friends call you to describe their injuries over the phone.

90. In a an important situation, the most highly qualified clinician will offer the most advice and also the the very least support.

91. You execute the “only-27-more-minutes-of-the-shift-from-hell” happy dance.

92. You require the money, your transition is cancelled; ….when you have actually a weekend planned, you have to do overtime.

93. You believe sick human being don’t $itch.

94. You believe the an ext equipment you view on a nurses belt, the more recent they are.

95. You believe If the boy is quiet, be scared.

96. You always follow the rules, yet be wise enough to forget lock sometimes.

97. You believe if the patience vomits in the ED, try to host their head come the side of the stretcher through the disposable equipment, no the stuff you have to clean.

98. You believe any type of family member who is much more drunk (or an ext stupid) than the patient, is the genuine problem.

99. Girlfriend can’t cure stupid.


100. You think if it’s wet and sticky and also not yours, leave it alone!

101. You believe that idiots that obtain into car crashes are the very first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance journey is.

102. You believe when a patience vomits, be certain to aim it in ~ the family members members who wouldn’t ago up.

103. You contact subcutaneous emphysema Rice Krispies.

104. You call burn victims “crispy critters”.

105. You have actually recurrent nightmares of gift hit and also run over by the portable x-ray machine.

106. Your idea of a CT prep includes Pavulon and a vent.

107. You have a one-of-a-kind shrine in your house to the inventor of Haldol.

108. Your immune mechanism is well arisen that it has actually been know to attack and kill 설 설 in the backyard.

109. Her feet room slightly fatter and also tougher than Fred Flintstone’s.

110. You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered food.

111. You believe a “Supreme Being” consult is your patient’s only hope.

112. Friend have ever restrained someone…and that wasn’t a sexual experience.

113. Friend have ever issued a “dead head” alert.

114. Friend have ever wanted to answer yes when someone call the ER and asks “Is mine (husband, wife, mother, etc….) there?”

115. You feeling that many suicide attempts must be offered a free subscription come “Guns and also Ammo” magazine.

116. You refer to someone in severe respiratory distress together a “Smurf.”

117. Girlfriend have ever before referred come someone’s fatality as a “Celestial Transfer.”

118. You have found a brand-new condition called “Hypo-Xanax-emia”.

119. You immediately assume the patient is a medicine seeker as soon as they existing with a complain of migraine, lower earlier pain or chronic myalgia….and castle list numerous allergies (except Demerol or Morphine).


120. You have actually your weekends off planned a year in advance.

121. Friend don’t think 90% that what you’re told, and also 75% that what girlfriend see.

122. You firmly believe that if Dilantin, Haldol and Librium were placed in the water rather of fluoride, Dentists would be busier, yet Nursing would grind come a halt.

123. You get an virtually irresistible advice to stand and also wolf down your food, even in the nicest restaurants.

124. You believe chocolate is a food group.


125. Your idea of good dining is sitting under to eat.

126. You find humor in other people’s stupidity.

127. You think the laboratory should have actually a ‘dumb sh#t’ profile on the lab requisition slip.

128. You understand the regional detox facility number by heart.

129. You describe vegetable and you don’t average the food group.

130. You think waiting room time have to be in proportion to the length of time from symptom beginning (You’ve had actually pain because that 3 weeks…have a seat, well gain to you in 3 days).

131. You believe you have actually patients who space demonically possessed.

132. You believe every waiting room should have actually a Valium salt lick.

133. You have used the phrase’ health care reform’ come terrify her co-workers.

134. Your most usual assessment question at 2 am is “Why is this an emergency now?”

135. You believe unspeakable evils will certainly befall friend if the word ‘quiet’ is uttered.

136. You believe the ‘On-call Nurse’ program is a satanic plot.

137. Girlfriend have urged obnoxious patients to sign out AMA.


138. You comprise acronyms therefore non-medical world won’t know just exactly how sick you really are: GOMER, GORK, TSTL…(Get the end Of mine Emergency Room, God only Really Knows, too Stupid to Live).

139. Your idea the a meal break is finishing her coffee before it it s okay cold.

140. You describe a patient as having actually a high DBI (dirt bag index), i beg your pardon is calculate by the following formula: DBI = variety of tattoos split by number of missing teeth, multiply by variety of “tracks” added to approximated days without a bath!

141. You’ve ever consumed your lunch out of one emesis basin, and poured your drink native a Urimeter container.

142. You shock someone v an unrecognizable rhythm…until you gain one you carry out recognize.

143. You develop Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from constantly locking and also unlocking the drug Cabinet.

144. You have the right to keep a straight face when a patience responds, “Just two beers.”

145. Friend don’t questioning “frequent flyers’ their history, you recognize it through heart.


146. You instantly multiply by 3 the variety of drinks a patient cases to have actually daily.

147. You rigid at who in utter disbelief when they in reality cover their mouth come cough.

148. You’ve ever before had a patient through a sleep ring, a brow ring and also twelve earrings say, “I’m fear of shots.”


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149. You refer to motorcyclists as body organ donors.

150. You deserve to identify the ‘PID Shuffle” and the “Kidney rock Squirm” at 15 feet.

151. You’ve ever held a 14-gauge needle end someone’s vein and said, “Now your going to feeling a little stick.”

152. You stop unhealthy feather COPDers in the shopping mall for are afraid that they’ll drop close to you and you’ll need to do CPR on her day off.

153. If the hems of your scrub pants are held in v 3.0 suture, steri-strips or rubber bands.

154. You think the Prom tickets should have actually coupons great for one free gastric lavage.

155. Her shoes have been seized and also quarantined by one of two people the Centers for condition Control, OSHA, the EPA or the atom Regulatory Commission.

156. You think in PPP as a diagnosis – **** negative Protoplasm

157. You’ve emerged a crease between your brows indigenous trying no to inhale the various person secretions you’ve encountered end the years.

158. You have ever referred come a patient together “genetically exclusive” or “genetically challenged.”

159. Ever referred to KY jelly as “Goober Grease”

160. Ever had a patience whose positive pregnancy check prompts her to speak to the next day and also ask if you have the right to tell who the father is

161. You have placed your irritating patients/family members ~ above P.I.T.A. (Pain In The A##) precautions!

162. You refer to ammonia capsules together a “seizure-cure.”

163. You have a PD patient that whips the end their catheter and announces unless they gain their method they’ll pee everywhere you.

164. You deserve to identify the complying with Syndromes:

F.O.L. (Full the Liquor)

A.D.A.S.T.W. (Arrived Dead and Stayed that Way)

W.O. T.A.M. (Waste the Time & Money)

165. You think in a diagnosis the acute Haldolpenia.

166. The ER is a mixture of deserve to do, can’t do, and also why the hell not!

167. Everyone gets treated precisely the same—until they **** you off.

168. Girlfriend believe, in medicine, to always remember never to say always and never.

169. Noþeles that can go wrong, will go wrong and if nothing has actually gone wrong, you’ve clear don’t understand the situation.

170. You don’t eat prior to driving come work since you want to be an “easy intubation” if you space in an accident.

171. After spending the night through surgeons, they still won’t respect you in the morning.

172. You don’t have sufficient ego hypertrophy to it is in a surgeon.

173. Girlfriend look in your closet and can’t find anything non-medical to wear.


174. Friend think it is acceptable to use “penis” and “vagina” in a regular conversation.

175. You’ve ever spent an ext money on a stethoscope 보다 on a auto payment.


176. You’ve ever before thought a blood push cuff would be fantastic gift because that Christmas.

177. Not just does her watch tell the time however it has a pulse timer that will certainly count in 5, 10, 15, 30 and 60 2nd intervals and also will take your blood pressure.

178. You gain rear-ended in one auto accident and also the accident step looks like an er exploded from your first aid kit in the trunk.

179. You’ve ever used the acronym F.T.D. (Fixin’ come Die) or L.T.B.B (Lucky To it is in Breathing).

180. You’ve ever referred come a suicide-attempt victim as an FTF (Failure come Fly).

181. Whatever only happens every at once.

182. You contact some of your co-workers ‘Flowers in the ar of Medicine’ due to the fact that they’re bloomin’ idiots.

183. You believe old nurses never ever die, they just go PRN.

184. Friend have ever before referred to an intoxicated patient together a FORD (Found On roadway Drunk).

185. You use CTD for very-soon expectant terminal ‘no code’ patients. (circling the drain).

186. Girlfriend have ever before had a track ridden prego phone call you not to damage her veins when you shot to uncover one she hasn’t already used, to start an IV.

187. You think that saying, ‘It can’t get any worse’ reasons it to acquire worse just to display you it can.

188. You’ve ever before thought, ‘Patients, God love ’em, because today, I certain don’t!’

189. You think the problem with the gene swimming pool is the there is no lifeguard.

190. Girlfriend tell cops wherein to go without fear!

191. Girlfriend think pizza, cookies and also coke do a well balanced meal.

192. Your sole purpose in life is simply to warn others.

193. Girlfriend think real friends help you relocate dead bodies.

194. You think the an interpretation of tension is once you wake up up screaming and also you establish you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

195. You want to accelerator anyone the states: Night shift must it is in so boring, all the patients execute is sleep.


196. You room willing to beg, borrow, or steal no to work-related the night daylight savings time goes into effect.

197. You usage the phrase “Turn and also Baste” and you are nowhere close to a kitchen.

198. You refer to Diprovan as mother milk.

199. You make up new ways to define strange patients: True –a doctor friend of mine would put the number “45” ~ above the chart to warn the registered nurses that the patient wasn’t playing with a complete load that chromosomes.

200. You think blow darts dipped in cursor PRN is an suitable order because that annoying household members.

201. Friend have ever been tempted to ar a rectal tube hooked to suction for a FOS patient.

202. You no longer have a gag reflex.


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203. You ever wished the they would certainly make corrugated catheters to use on yes, really annoying patients.

204. You ever before had a patient die soon after saying, ‘Hey, watch this’

205. You believe God and hard occupational made us Nurses, Prozac made us friends.

206. Friend never gain into an argument with an idiot, since they only carry you under to their level and also then to win you with experience.

207. You think the finest patients space SIR…Sedated, Intubated and also Restrained.

208. You’ve ever cared for a patient through ATS (Acute Thespian Syndrome).

209. Girlfriend ever, secretly, want to mix crazy glue into the lube when inserting a foley on a patience that has actually pulled out three catheters top top your shift while restrained.

210. To you the phrase “divide and also conquer” means getting 2 co-workers to help you adjust the bedsore dressing in the cracked of a 400 lb patient.

211. You have actually seen more moons than the Hubble telescope.

212. You believe in the underwear concept of charting: store your behind covered!


213. You think just due to the fact that someone’s license day is before yours does not mean they know what they are doing.

214. You believe there is no such thing as a “textbook case.”

215. After transforming an ab dressing that you had to irrigate, pack and dress, you walk to having lunch to talk about the just how the wound is healing, and also what guts you can see as soon as it’s open.

216. You refer to Diprivan together Milk that Amnesia.

217. Every work of the mainly feels like Monday.

218. You create a brand-new game dubbed “specimen, specimen, who’s gained the specimen?”

219. You figure out how to reprogram the new EKG monitor and also have now collection a new world record score because that Pong.

220. Suddenly, anesthesia’s jokes space actually FUNNY.

221. Making use of discarded gloves wrappers and saline bottles, friend have produced a combined media replica of the Eiffel Tower.

222. Girlfriend leave your shoes in the garage.

223. You constantly have extra pen in your pocket and also they aren’t yours!

224. You use a plastic 30 cc medication cup because that a shot glass.

225. Friend can virtually SEE the germs on the doorknobs and also telephone.

226. You have to wash girlfriend hands also after not poignant anything certain — friend just obtain that dirty feeling.

227. There are 3 type of hand soap in her bathroom, and also a scrub brush.

228. Civilization complement girlfriend just because you’re wearing your “civilian” clothes.

229. You just do dishes once you run out that mugs and also teaspoons.

230. The garbage can next to your apartment coin washing device is complete of “washed” latex gloves that you forgot in friend uniform pockets.

231. Everything you write, letters, emails, Christmas cards, have actually nursing abbreviations on them.

232. Your diet consists of coffee, cereal and whatever the cafeteria is serving.

233. You pull up to McDicks at 0900 hrs and also ask for a large mac.

234. You’ve to be on a medical sabbatical for five years…yet all you deserve to think around is return to nursing.

235. People don’t recognize you in your civilian clothes.

236. Girlfriend wear scrubs come bed and around the home as despite it was formal wear.

237. You have actually medical provides in her home/car that can normally be acquired only through hospital.

238. You store your stethoscope over the rear-view winter in her car.

239. You deserve to eat a salad when balancing a coffee while girlfriend walk.

240. You only go to the medical professional if you’re half dead, and also usually tell that what med and test you need .

241. You can’t never ever remember the last time you pee’d.


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242. If said contact is choose up, friend often cavern in and also work.

243. You space going out to dinner or what nice and also realize you have no pretty clothes however 500 pairs of scrubs in every color, style, and also print available.

244. You create a letter or email and also find yourself utilizing “nursing shorthand” when writing.

245. You usage bandage scissors to cut coupons.

246. You have actually pens and also note pads native every ambulance company, medicine rep, and medical basic around.

247. You usage hemostats together a household tool to fish the toothpaste lid the end of the sink drain, traction frayed shoelaces with the eyelets of your child’s shoes, and also to deal with the spark plug connection on the lawnmower (among other things).

248. You are counting her husbands pulse while that sleeps and worrying because he is wheezing ~ above expiration.

249. You acquire all excited because you check out blood when starting an iv or drawing blood. You’d swear us just discovered oil on our land.

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250. If who coughs and also brings increase sputum in former of you, you have actually the desire to understand what color.

Your Turn

Do you have your very own “you know you’re a nurse when…” hoax to share? permit us understand your favorite on the comment section below!