Nurses are a distinct bunch of overworked yet incredibly fulfilled specialists. Some days we’re totally dvery own, yet tright here are also those days when we can’t aid yet laugh at our very own miseries. After all, patients won’t understand also what we’re really going with.
You are watching: You know you re a nurse when
Are you searching for something to calm your nerves? You’ve concerned the place! We’ve searched much and wide for the funniest factors that will confirm you’re a nurse. Read all these telltale indicators that you’re a nurse, and don’t forget to spcheck out it or share your favorite “you know you’re a nurse when…” joke on the comment section below.
You understand you’re a nurse when….
1. You deserve to drink a pot of coffee then go residence and go to bed.
2. You recognize the menu, phone numbers and shipment hrs of eextremely restaurant in town.
3. You see stress as a normal part of life.
4. You get a call giving you the name of your brand-new admit and also you have actually their Care Plan done prior to they even hit the floor.
5. You think a great tape job will certainly fix whatever.
6. You believe everyone needs an excellent shot of vitamin H once in awhile.
7. You believe the inventor of call bells has earned a distinct area in Hell.
8. You understand it’s a full moon without looking at the sky.
9. You believe PITA is an acceptable admitting diagnosis.
10. You believe the number one preeminence of nursing is “Don’t Get Any On Ya.”
11. You understand the smell of various diarrhea to recognize it.
12. Discussing bodily fluids over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
13. You examine the caller ID on your day off to watch if anyone from the hospital is trying to call and ask you to job-related.
14. Eexceptionally time someone asks you for a pen you deserve to find at leastern 4 of them on you.
15. Your bladder have the right to expand to the dimension of a Winnebago’s water tank.
16. Your finger has gone locations you never assumed feasible.
17. You think caffeine need to be available in IV create.
18. You discover yourself exploring other customer’s veins in grocery waiting lines.
19. You’ve offered the word ‘rationale’, the expression ‘as evidenced by’, or quoted a nursing diagnosis in day-to-day life.
20. You look at everyone’s veins rather of their confront as soon as talking to them.
21. You try to use an IV hanger to hang your plants.
22. You look at even your own bowel motion to make certain it’s okay.
23. You prefer only important television shows about nursing.
24. You watch America’s Funniest Home Videos and you have the right to just watch the people as injured patients and also cannot laugh.
25. You think your unidevelops are more important than various other garments in your closet.
26. You talk about what food looks prefer in respect to organs in the body.
27. You disinfect the kitchen counter through Clorox.
28. You tuck your sheet corners prefer they carry out in the hospital.
29. You listen to everyone’s ailments.
30. Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly herbal.
31. Your talk of wounds and drainage in a restaurant provides the human being at the next table run for the door.
32. You relocation words via clinical abbreviations throughout conversations through household and friends.
33. Your 8-year-old tells all her friends about durations and also puberty on the playground.
34. You understand the full moon by the habits of the civilization approximately you.
35. Your father in-law feels free to describe bodily features to you, consisting of texture and color.
36. You go to occupational with a fever before of 103.
37. You self-diagnose.
38. Your youngsters think it’s normal to talk about BMs and also various other bodily attributes in public.
39. You’ve told a perplexed patient your name was that of your coworker and to HOLLER if they need aid.
40. You’ve basted your Thanksoffering turkey via a Toomey syringe.
41. You live by the motto, “To be appropriate is only half the battle, to convince the doctor is even more challenging.”
42. You don’t obtain excited around blood loss … unless it’s your very own.
43. You deserve to intubate your friends at parties.
44. You notification that you usage even more 4 letter words currently than prior to you came to be a nurse.
45. You refuse to watch ER because it’s also a lot prefer the actual thing and triggers “flash backs.”
46. You have the right to tell the pharmacist even more around the medications he is dispensing than he have the right to.
47. Every time you walk, you make a rattling noise bereason of all the scissors and also clamps in your pockets.
48. You can just tell time via a 24 hour clock.
49. Your sense of humor appears to acquire even more “warped” annually.
50. You think every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazepam and Compazine.
51. You’ve had actually to leave a patient’s room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
52. You have ever had a patient look you directly in the eye and also say “I have no idea how that gained stuck in there.”
53. You have actually ever before wanted to write a book entitled “Suicide: gaining it appropriate the initially time.”
54. You believe that unspeakable evils will certainly beautumn anyone that utters the expression “Wow, it’s really quiet, isn’t it?”
55. You think that the federal government need to need permits to reproduce.
56. You think that ‘shpermit gene pool’ must be a well-known diagnosis.
57. You think in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
58. Your idea of an excellent time is a cardiac arremainder at shift adjust.
59. Your principle of fine dining is everywhere you can sit down to eat.
60. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.
61. You’ve sworn to have actually “execute not resuscitate” tattooed on your chest. Soon.
62. You don’t gain excited around blood, unless it’s your very own.
63. Your family members and friends refusage to watch clinical sitcoms via you bereason you spfinish the totality time correcting everyone and also pointing out upside dvery own x-rays.
64. You have actually seen more penises than any type of prostitute could dream of.
65. You think that not all patients are annoying… some are unconscious.
66. You’ve ever before inserted a bet on someone’s blood alcohol level.
67. You’ve ever before heard a patient via a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say “I’m afrassist of shots.”
68. You’ve been exposed to so many type of x-rays that you take into consideration it a type of birth manage.
69. You take into consideration a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
70. You think that any job where you have the right to drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
71. You believe that saying ‘it can’t acquire any worse’ reasons it to obtain worse just to present you it have the right to.
72. You periodically park in the room with the “medical professionals only” sign… and also knock it over.
73. The front of your scrubs reads ‘Nurses… here to save your ass, not kiss it!’
74. You’ve ever told a patient to ‘relocate towards the light.’
75. You start every conversation through, “So this particular day at work-related tright here was this really gross point.”
76. You believe that all the patient demands is some vitamin A (ativan).
77. You’ve ever before run out of linens, syringes, IV liquid, meds, and also patience all at the exact same time.
78. You ever felt choose a Gastroenterologist… bereason you occupational via a##holes.
79. It IS as BADVERTISEMENT as you think, and also the patients ARE out to get you.
80. You ever told a patient he didn’t should be dead to donate an organ.
81. You feel that earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
82. You think some patients are alive only bereason it’s illegal to kill them.
83. You can’t imagine wearing heels after a day on your feet.
84. You obtain more done by discovering someone in housekeeping than in administration.
85. You ultimately learn that medical professionals are not all that!
86. You’ve indeveloped your coworkers that can/cannot work on you if you collapse.
87. You can’t feature till your caffeine intake is at a therapeutic level.
88. It’s the end of your shift and also you realize you haven’t when gone to the bathroom.
89. Family and friends call you to define their injuries over the phone.
90. In a critical instance, the most extremely qualified clinician will sell the the majority of advice and also the least support.
91. You carry out the “only-27-more-minutes-of-the-shift-from-hell” happy dance.
92. You require the money, your change is cancelled; ….once you have actually a weekend planned, you need to execute overtime.
93. You think sick civilization don’t $itch.
94. You think the even more tools you watch on a registered nurses belt, the newer they are.
95. You believe If the kid is quiet, be scared.
96. You always follow the rules, but be wise sufficient to foracquire them sometimes.
97. You think if the patient vomits in the ED, try to host their head to the side of the stretcher with the disposable equipment, not the stuff you have to clean.
98. You believe any type of family member who is more drunk (or even more stupid) than the patient, is the actual problem.
99. You can’t cure stupid.
100. You think if it’s wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
101. You think that idiots that get into vehicle crashes are the initially ones to comordinary how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
102. You believe when a patient vomits, be certain to aim it at the household members who wouldn’t ago up.
103. You speak to subcutaneous emphysema Rice Krispies.
104. You call burn victims “crispy critters”.
105. You have actually recurrent nightmares of being hit and also run over by the portable x-ray machine.
106. Your concept of a CT prep contains Pavulon and a vent.
107. You have a distinct shrine in your house to the inventor of Haldol.
108. Your immune mechanism is well emerged that it has actually been recognize to strike and kill squirrels in the backyard.
109. Your feet are slightly fatter and also tougher than Fred Flintstone’s.
110. You have ever before had actually a patient regulate his seizures as soon as offered food.
111. You believe a “Supreme Being” consult is your patient’s just hope.
112. You have actually ever before restrained someone…and also it wasn’t a sex-related suffer.
113. You have ever issued a “dead head” alert.
114. You have ever wanted to reply yes once someone calls the ER and also asks “Is my (husband, wife, mom, etc….) there?”
115. You feel that a lot of self-destruction attempts must be offered a free subscription to “Guns and also Ammo” magazine.
116. You refer to someone in significant respiratory dianxiety as a “Smurf.”
117. You have ever described someone’s death as a “Celestial Transfer.”
118. You have actually discovered a new condition called “Hypo-Xanax-emia”.
119. You automatically assume the patient is a drug seeker once they present with a complaint of migraine, reduced earlier pain or chronic myalgia….and they list many allergies (other than Demerol or Morphine).
120. You have actually your weekends off planned a year in advance.
121. You don’t believe 90% of what you’re told, and also 75% of what you watch.
122. You firmly believe that if Dilantin, Haldol and Librium were put in the water instead of fluoride, Dentists would be busier, however Nursing would certainly grind to a halt.
123. You gain an nearly irresistible urge to stand also and wolf down your food, also in the nicest restaurants.
124. You think chocolate is a food team.
125. Your idea of fine dining is sitting down to eat.
126. You find humor in other people’s stupidity.
127. You believe the lab must have a ‘dumb sh#t’ profile on the lab requisition slip.
128. You recognize the regional detox facility number by heart.
129. You describe vegetable and also you don’t expect the food group.
130. You believe waiting room time need to be in propercentage to the size of time from symptom onset (You’ve had pain for 3 weeks…have actually a seat, well gain to you in 3 days).
131. You believe you have patients who are demonically possessed.
132. You think eextremely waiting room must have actually a Valium salt lick.
133. You have used the phrase’ wellness treatment reform’ to terrify your co-workers.
134. Your a lot of common assessment question at 2 am is “Why is this an emergency now?”
135. You think unspeakable evils will certainly befall you if the word ‘quiet’ is uttered.
136. You think the ‘On-call Nurse’ routine is a satanic plot.
137. You have actually encouraged obnoxious patients to sign out AMA.
138. You comprise acronyms so non-clinical civilization won’t know simply exactly how sick you really are: GOMER, GORK, TSTL…(Get Out Of My Emergency Room, God Only Really Knows, Too Stupid To Live).
139. Your principle of a meal break is finishing your coffee before it gets cold.
140. You describe a patient as having a high DBI (dirt bag index), which is calculated by the following formula: DBI = number of tattoos split by variety of lacking teeth, multiplied by variety of “tracks” included to approximated days without a bath!
141. You’ve ever before eaten your lunch out of an emesis basin, and also poured your drink from a Urimeter container.
142. You shock someone through an unrecognizable rhythm…until you get one you DO recognize.
143. You develop Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from constantly locking and unlocking the Narcotic Cabinet.
144. You have the right to store a directly confront as soon as a patient responds, “Just two beers.”
145. You don’t ask “regular flyers’ their background, you understand it by heart.
146. You immediately multiply by three the variety of drinks a patient clintends to have actually everyday.
147. You stare at someone in utter disbelief when they actually cover their mouth to cough.
148. You’ve ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and also twelve earrings say, “I’m afraid of shots.”
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149. You refer to motorcyclists as organ donors.
150. You deserve to identify the ‘PID Shuffle” and also the “Kidney Stone Squirm” at 15 feet.
151. You’ve ever before held a 14-gauge needle over someone’s vein and sassist, “Now your going to feel a small stick.”
152. You stop unhealthy looking COPDers in the mall for fear that they’ll drop close to you and you’ll need to execute CPR on your day off.
153. If the hems of your scrub pants are organized in with 3.0 suture, steri-strips or rubber bands.
154. You think that Prom tickets have to have coupons good for one complimentary gastric lavage.
155. Your shoes have actually been seized and also quarantined by either the Centers for Disease Control, OSHA, the EPA or the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.
156. You think in PPP as a diagnosis – **** Poor Protoplasm
157. You’ve developed a crease in between your brows from trying NOT to inhale the various huguy secretions you’ve encountered over the years.
158. You have actually ever referred to a patient as “genetically exclusive” or “genetically challenged.”
159. Ever referred to KY jelly as “Goober Grease”
160. Ever had a patient whose positive pregnancy test prompts her to contact the next day and also ask if you deserve to tell that the father is
161. You have put your irritating patients/family members on P.I.T.A. (Pain In The A##) precautions!
162. You describe ammonia capsules as a “seizure-cure.”
163. You have a PD patient that whips out their catheter and announces unmuch less they gain their means they’ll pee almost everywhere you.
164. You deserve to determine the following Syndromes:
F.O.L. (Full Of Liquor)
A.D.A.S.T.W. (Arrived Dead And Stayed That Way)
W.O. T.A.M. (Waste of Time & Money)
165. You believe in a diagnosis of acute Haldolpenia.
166. The ER is a mixture of can perform, can’t carry out, and why the hell not!
167. Everyone gets treated exactly the same—until they **** you off.
168. You believe, in medication, to constantly remember never to say always and never before.
169. Anypoint that can go wrong, will go wrong and if nopoint has actually gone wrong, you’ve obviously don’t understand also the situation.
170. You don’t eat before driving to occupational because you desire to be an “straightforward intubation” if you are in an accident.
171. After spending the night with surgeons, they still won’t respect you in the morning.
172. You don’t have actually sufficient ego hypertrophy to be a surgeon.
173. You look in your clocollection and can’t discover anypoint non-medical to wear.
174. You think it is acceptable to use “penis” and also “vagina” in a normal conversation.
175. You’ve ever spent more money on a stethoscope than on a car payment.
176. You’ve ever before assumed a blood pressure cuff would certainly be an excellent gift for Christmas.
177. Not only does your watch tell the time yet it has actually a pulse timer that will certainly count in 5, 10, 15, 30 and 60 second intervals and also will certainly take your blood pressure.
178. You gain rear-finished in an auto accident and the accident scene looks favor an ER exploded from your initially assist kit in the trunk.
179. You’ve ever offered the acronym F.T.D. (Fixin’ to Die) or L.T.B.B (Lucky To Be Breathing).
180. You’ve ever referred to a suicide-attempt victim as an FTF (Faitempt to Fly).
181. Everypoint only happens overall.
182. You call some of your co-employees ‘Flowers in the Field of Medicine’ because they’re bloomin’ idiots.
183. You believe old nurses never die, they just go PRN.
184. You have ever before referred to an intoxicated patient as a FORD (Found On Roadway Drunk).
185. You use CTD for very-soon expectant terminal ‘no code’ patients. (circling the drain).
186. You have ever before had a track ridden prego tell you not to ruin her veins once you try to uncover one she hasn’t already supplied, to start an IV.
187. You think that saying, ‘It can’t get any type of worse’ causes it to get worse simply to show you it can.
188. You’ve ever thought, ‘Patients, God love ’em, because this particular day, I sure don’t!’
189. You believe the problem via the gene pool is that tright here is no lifeguard.
190. You tell cops wright here to go without fear!
191. You think pizza, cookies and also coke make a balanced meal.
192. Your sole objective in life is ssuggest to warn others.
193. You think Real friends help you relocate dead bodies.
194. You think the interpretation of anxiety is when you wake up screaming and also you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
195. You desire to throttle anyone that states: Night transition should be so boring, all the patients do is sleep.
196. You are willing to beg, borrow, or steal not to work-related the night daylight savings time goes right into effect.
197. You use the expression “Turn and also Baste” and also you are nowright here close to a kitchen.
198. You refer to Diprovan as mothers milk.
199. You comprise new methods to define stselection patients: True –a physician frifinish of mine would put the number “45” on the chart to warn the nurses that the patient wasn’t playing with a full pack of chromosomes.
200. You believe blow darts dipped in curare PRN is an appropriate order for annoying family members members.
201. You have actually ever before been tempted to place a rectal tube hooked to suction for a FOS patient.
202. You no much longer have a gag reflex.
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203. You ever before wimelted that they would certainly make corrugated catheters to usage on really annoying patients.
204. You ever had a patient die quickly after saying, ‘Hey, watch this’
205. You believe God and also difficult occupational made us Nurses, Prozac made us friends.
206. You never before get right into an discussion through an idiot, bereason they just lug you down to their level and also then beat you with endure.
207. You believe the ideal patients are SIR…Sedated, Intubated and Restrained.
208. You’ve ever cared for a patient through ATS (Acute Thespian Syndrome).
209. You ever, covertly, wanted to mix crazy glue into the lube while inserting a foley on a patient that has actually pulled out 3 catheters on your transition while restrained.
210. To you the phrase “divide and also conquer” suggests obtaining 2 co-workers to aid you readjust the bedsore dressing in the crack of a 400 pound patient.
211. You have actually seen even more moons than the Hubble telescope.
212. You believe in the underwear theory of charting: Keep your behind covered!
213. You think simply because someone’s license date is prior to yours does not suppose they know what they are doing.
214. You think there is no such thing as a “textbook case.”
215. After changing an abdominal dressing that you had actually to irrigate, fill and also dress, you go to lunch to discuss the exactly how the wound is healing, and also what organs you have the right to watch when it’s open.
216. You describe Diprivan as Milk of Amnesia.
217. Every day of the week feels choose Monday.
218. You create a brand-new game called “specimen, specimales, who’s got the specimen?”
219. You figure out exactly how to reroutine the brand-new EKG monitor and also have currently collection a new civilization document score for Pong.
220. Suddenly, anesthesia’s jokes are actually FUNNY.
221. Using discarded glove wrappers and also saline bottles, you have actually developed a blended media replica of the Eiffel Tower.
222. You leave your shoes in the garage.
223. You always have added pens in your pocket and they aren’t yours!
224. You usage a plastic 30 cc medication cup for a shot glass.
225. You have the right to nearly SEE the germs on the doorknobs and telephone.
226. You need to wash you hands also after not emotional anything particular — you just acquire that dirty feeling.
227. Tbelow are 3 kinds of hand also soap in your bathroom, and also a scrub brush.
228. People enhance you simply because you’re wearing your “civilian” clothes.
229. You only execute dishes once you run out of mugs and also teaspoons.
230. The garbage have the right to alongside your apartment coin washing machine is complete of “washed” latex gloves that you forgained in you unicreate pockets.
231. Everypoint you compose, letters, emails, Christmas cards, have actually nursing abbreviations on them.
232. Your diet is composed of coffee, cereal and whatever before the cafeteria is serving.
233. You pull approximately McDicks at 0900 hrs and ask for a large mac.
234. You’ve been on a medical sabbatical for 5 years…yet all you deserve to think about is returning to nursing.
235. People don’t recognize you in your civilian apparel.
236. You wear scrubs to bed and also approximately the residence as though it was formal wear.
237. You have actually clinical provides in your home/vehicle that deserve to usually be obtained just with hospital.
238. You save your stethoscope over the rear-check out mirror in your automobile.
239. You can eat a salad while balancing a coffee while you walk.
240. You just go to the physician if you’re half dead, and normally tell him what med and also test you require .
241. You can’t never before remember the last time you pee’d.
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242. If shelp call is picked up, you regularly cave in and occupational.
243. You are going out to dinner or somewright here nice and realize you have no nice clothing but 500 pairs of scrubs in eexceptionally shade, style, and print easily accessible.
244. You create a letter or email and also discover yourself utilizing “nursing shorthand” while composing.
245. You use bandage scissors to cut coupons.
246. You have pens and note pads from eexceptionally ambulance company, drug rep, and clinical facility roughly.
247. You use hemostats as a family tool to fish the toothpaste lid out of the sink drain, pull frayed shoelaces via the eyelets of your child’s shoes, and also to solve the spark plug connection on the lawnmower (among various other things).
248. You are counting your husbands pulse while he sleeps and worrying bereason he is wheezing on expiration.
249. You get all excited because you view blood as soon as beginning an iv or illustration blood. You’d swear we simply found oil on our land.
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250. If someone coughs and also brings up sputum in front of you, you have actually the desire to know what color.
Do you have actually your own “you understand you’re a nurse when…” joke to share? Let us understand your favorites on the comment section below!